By LORI STONE | Peer Support Specialist, Louisiana Department of Corrections
On August 10,
1992 the courts made a decision that changed the course of my life forever. I was
ordered to stop drinking and taking drugs if I ever wanted to get my three
children back from state custody. Honestly, because alcohol and drugs were all
I had left in my life, I was pretty reluctant.
When reality
set in on that day, I asked myself, “How did I get here?” I had lost my children
and my family. I was homeless, embarrassed and spiritually bankrupt. This
wasn’t the way my life was supposed to end up.
Growing up, I
had everything a child could dream of. I was blessed with a loving, supportive
family and I lacked for nothing. I was an honor roll student who was very
athletic and had a bright future ahead of me. I had choices.
Any means of escape
When I was 14
years old, I found out I was adopted as a newborn. Instead of being thankful
for what I had gained, I became hateful for what I felt had been taken from me.
My thoughts, feelings and behaviors changed dramatically. I felt betrayed,
confused, angry and unloved, for some strange reason. The hurt was almost
unbearable, and I began looking for ways to escape that pain.
At that
moment, I began to break the 10 Commandments and our Family’s Golden Rules. In
our family you knew what to do, how to do it, why to do it and were taught to just
do it because it was said to be done, with no questions asked. There were “do’s”
and “don’ts” based on right versus wrong. I began to live life acting out the “don’ts.”
Even knowing I was doing wrong, I wouldn’t find out the importance of these
basic rules of life until later.
I started
hanging around the wrong individuals and the wrong places, and doing things I
had no business doing. Those decisions led me to dropping out of school early and,
eventually, starting to have children at a young age. My family stuck by me
throughout everything, but with their tough love, I knew I wasn’t making the
choices they wanted for me.
By the age of
25, I had been raped, discarded into a canal and left for dead. I had been
incarcerated, was living on the streets and had almost lost my life during an
overdose. I had to bury one of my children because of my addiction and an abusive
relationship I was in. I had lost all of my self-respect and dignity as a
person. I drank alcohol and did drugs to escape and survive my reality. It was
the only way I knew how to cope with my life, which had become unmanageable by
the time I stood in that courtroom. I realized I had finally hit bottom and began
to ponder how to change. How could I turn my life around?
Learning to be a mother
I decided
that I was going to get my kids back first. I didn’t know how to be a mother or
a parent, because my adopted mother had raised my children. I realized I had
been following the pattern of my biological mother, and I wanted to break the
cycle. I hated her for not loving me. I just didn’t understand.
And, I didn’t
want my kids to go through what I had gone through.
Under the
direction of the courts and the Office of Community Services, I was given provisions,
requirements and conditions to help turn my life around. I began to adhere. I
was fortunate to get into an amazing halfway house, and I completed the program
they set before me. I had to attend AA meetings, parenting classes and
counseling for myself and my family. I was drug tested at their discretion and
lived by their rules.
As I sobered
up and began to feel again, I struggled with the emotions I had numbed for so
long. However, I had also been numb and out of tune with the beauty of life and
what it had to offer. I still wasn’t thoroughly convinced that I wanted to live
a clean and sober life. I was fighting a process that I now realize had already
begun.
I completed
every class and met every goal that was put before me. Good things started to
happen in my life, finally. Most importantly, I got custody of my children back.
Eventually, I had a home, a family and a host of new friends. One day I looked
into the mirror, and I saw Lori Ann Stone for the first time in a long time. I
told her that I loved her and truly meant it.
Living by grace
From that
point on, I allowed my wings to spread and I soared by living life on life’s
terms. That was the point in my life that I fell in love with Jesus, and that
was the best thing to ever happen to me.
I was given
an opportunity to be a parent from scratch again, and I now have four wonderful
children. I am a very proud grandmother of nine healthy, beautiful children. Today,
I’m buying a new house and car. Currently, I’m a peer support specialist who
loves to assist and empower others. I also work as a program coordinator who
assists persons with disabilities and the disadvantaged in achieving their goals
of being self-sufficient.
I’m a
survivor — only but for the grace of God — who is taking it one day at a time.
Every day, I continue “letting go and letting God.” Just for today, I will
strive for progress rather than perfection in all my ways.
I grieve for
the many addicts before and after me who didn’t make it, and I try to help
everyone I can. I will share my experience, strength and hope, which is my
greatest treasure, hoping that my past mistakes don’t become someone else’s
future.